A Joke or Two...

The general bullshit and chatty section where we post general gossip.
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railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by railroad bob »

Govt Mule live at Steamboat Springs
A ripping bass solo in here...
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
gearhead1951
Builder
Posts: 367
Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:49 am
SELF INTRODUCTION: I am an expat tennessee hillbilly and retired us navy engineer livin' in Scotland and I have a love of old cars , trucks, motorcycles and most any other machinery !

I dont know if I can think of enough to say to reach the two hundred charactor minimun set by the mods , but I will persevere
Location: Greenock Scotland

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by gearhead1951 »

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... But men are always MEN

:laughing-rolling: :obscene-drinkingcheers:
rakeNtrail
Lurker
Posts: 50
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2011 11:28 am
SELF INTRODUCTION: Just a grumpy old welder/chopperhedd Spent far too much time burning wire for a living but hey, one does have to pay the bills ya know! Worked shipyards and fab shops welding about everything stick, mig, tig and sub-arc. Both hand held and automated. Worked weekends in a Honda shop in the late 70's and in an all bike shop in the late 80's thru early 90's. Likes? Choppers, rock-N-roll, NRA and boobies! Dislikes? PC, VD, AARP & NAACP I'm pro business and totally against big government interfering in our daily lives. Live free or die baby and you'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands. Do love little children and puppies though. Both of them can turn me into a 300lb. old softie!
Location: North By God Carolina

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by rakeNtrail »

Gay Flight attendant

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic-looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us
on the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess, and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!'
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Check your Mailboxes!

Just wanted to let you know -
today I received my

2012 Social Security Stimulus Package.

It contained two tomato seeds,
cornbread mix, a prayer rug,
a machine to blow smoke up my ass,
10 discount coupons to KFC
and an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker.

The directions were in Spanish.

Hope you get yours soon.
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by railroad bob »

Mrs Biker-Bob asks Biker-Bob, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"

Biker-Bob declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime Mrs Biker-Bob asked him if he would like something. "A bowl of Soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

Biker-Bob declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, Mrs Biker-Bob asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

Biker-Bob declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra....I'm still not hungry."



Well," Mrs Biker-Bob says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
User avatar
Maxthegardener
Builder
Posts: 384
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:28 am
SELF INTRODUCTION: Name is Max living in scotland ,and building my first bike, Which is derived from a buellM2 Cyclone..Started with an engine and a Drop seat frame wich was made to my spec by a more experienced builder. would like to learn more about the skills and techniques required to build a frame so I value being a member here...Cheers Max
Location: Angus, Scotland

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by Maxthegardener »

User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by railroad bob »

When I drove a school bus, a 6th grader told me a joke.
I will now inflict it upon you, so you too, can have a terrible joke floating around your brain the rest of your life.


What is green and smells like pork?


Kermit the Frog's middle finger.
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by railroad bob »

Condom Ad.jpg
Condom Ad.jpg (61.37 KiB) Viewed 2085 times
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
User avatar
curt
Long in the Tooth
Posts: 1068
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:36 am
SELF INTRODUCTION: hi everyone its me from the old bord hopeing to see everyone come here and all the newcomers . lets make this as good as the old one or even better . lookin foreward to seeing everyones projects continue and ill be continueing mine too
Location: utica new york

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by curt »

thats my last x
ever notice when you hit somethin or someone with a hammer you feel instantly better
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by railroad bob »

Survey - Are there too many immigrants in Britain?

17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by railroad bob »

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come
to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and she is being stoned in the morning!

There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center.
They threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

"PEACE.....That wonderful time in history when everyone stands around reloading."
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by railroad bob »

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford to buy batteries.

A man calls 911 and says, "I think my wife has died". The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

My wife has been missing for a week. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did ..... she's 21 and her name is Lucy.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me,
just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said, "Son, that's 3 schools this year!
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
J.V.
NewB
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:57 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hey what's up y'all. Glad I found this site again. I was a member of the old board under the name JV. I deployed and when I came back the website was dead. Glad I googled chopperbuilderhandbook on a whim whe I was bored. I don't currently have a bike (at least not in the same part of the country) but in the near future I am gonna pick up a sportster or a buell to chop. I have only had a couple of bikes and only built one so I am happy to be on a site with so much knowledge. Hopefully in the future I'll be able to share more knowledge then I have taken. Thanks y'all.

Re: A Joke or Two...

Post by J.V. »

Here is a real text I got three weeks ago

SGT Lincoln won't be at formation this morning due to oral.

My response; that suck. Was he giving or receiving?
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

The Phone Call

Post by railroad bob »

Hello?'

Hi honey. This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?

No, Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.

After a brief pause, Daddy says,
But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Gabe.

Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
Right now..

Brief Pause.

Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.

Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.

A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone.

I did it, Daddy.

And what happened, honey?

Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
And now she isn't moving at all!


Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Gabe?

He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
And into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water
Last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.



*****Long Pause*****





*****Longer Pause*****





*****Even Longer Pause*****


Then Daddy says,
Swimming pool? ............
Is this 486-5731?



No, I think you have the wrong number........
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

What a Salesman

Post by railroad bob »

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota.” Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”



His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid says “One”. The boss says “Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”

The kid says “$101, 237.65″. The boss says “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”



The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?” The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’“
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
User avatar
railroad bob
Contributor
Posts: 939
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:07 pm
SELF INTRODUCTION: Hi Dan, thanks for your time and energy spent on this new board. I hope you will give me a waiver on the email account, I have used gmail so long I don't have a clue what my service provider account is.
I just returned home from a 2 week trip in New Mexico, have a few good pix, can't wait to share my off-highway traveling. Got to put 1400 miles on the scoot.

Best, Bob Davidson
Location: Alaska

Laughing at a Funeral

Post by railroad bob »

This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral ..

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral
by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in
flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from
the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own
funeral...I'm a gynecologist!'.

The minister fainted!
Alaska - Land of the Individual and Other Endangered Species
An Armed Society is a Polite Society,...
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
TANSTAAFL
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